mr. scrunchy face, a history

today while my dad and i were walking to the grocery store, an idiot passed by on his stupid bike with his un needed spandex and a helmet with an anal little rearview on it. i said "look at that guy's face!!!" because he had it scrunched up like he was trying to take a constipated shit. his upper lip up to his nose and his nose down to his lip and his little eyes almost closed, there were at least six wrinkles in his forehead. what a WEIRDO. my dad told me some more about him and it merely strengthened my SUSPICION THAT HE WAS A BUTT. ok let's drop the detective talk, cuz i think it's time that i admitted that yes i am sort of being an ass and judging by appearances but, come on guys? isn't it fun. my dad says that this guy rides the spring water trail all day because he's training for something, and that he owns three different bikes that are all to nice for anything but the tour de france. all these things are strange and funny, but this best part was the face he was making. just like THIS!

my theory is that this guy is a huge butt who has a girlfriend who is 13 years younger than him. he is rich enough to buy these super nice bikes cuz his rich uncle died when he was 17, and he wasn't even sad. this guy has been living in a mansion ordering around maids, hanging out with rappers at VIP clubs, since he was 17. i mean when he's at a fair or festival, he doesn't use a porta potty he calls his fucking toilet trailer that is like a motor home except just a bathroom. no wonder he makes ugly faces.

p.s. the younger woman is only dating him for the money and will eventually murder him for the life insurance.

sunscreen? whatever dude.

this is almost exactly how my copy looks, but without the black border added by the photographer, (what a douche :] ). anyway, this book is a work of art that any other author would be lucky to learn from.
the character Zooey is absolutely phenomenal. everything he does is with an abruptness that just grows on me the more i read. i'd like to think that i'm a bit like Zooey. i mean he's a bit of an ass to everyone, he is very good at denial, he loves hot baths and hates it when people bother him in said baths, and he's an incredible smart ass. one thing we also share is that we both tend to take ourselves a little to seriously. :) at one point zooey is talking to his younger sister franny who has driven herself to distraction by obsessing over this thing called the jesus prayer that you're supposed to say over and over until it becomes part of you and you can pray without ceasing (bullshit in my opinion), and he just lays down on the floor, then a few seconds later his torso shoots up "with the same startling abruptness as a corpse falling from a closet". as easy as it would be to hate zooey i find myself absolutely in looove.



SUNSCREEN? whatever dude.
i think i've been sunburned like three times in the thirteen years of my life. i tan. i do NOT burn. also, if i have any say in the matter i don't use sunscreen. i mean come on people, unless you're in the dessert or gonna be working in the hot summer sun for 24 hours, ask yourself what is this really doing for me? if your someone like me and you don't sunburn and just tan, in my opinion the answer is a big fat NOTHING. i mean the only thing sunscreen does is stop you from getting burned, but if you have the right skin that doesn't sunburn anyway all you need to worry about is skin cancer. well guess what folks? most sunscreens say in the FINE PRINT that, THIS PRODUCT DOES NOT PREVENT OR PROTECT AGAINST SKIN CANCER. yep. yep. i SAID it. sunscreen is bullshit if you don't burn anyway. so, this one goes out to everyone who ever made me wear sunscreen, FUCK OFF.
SAVAGE TAN? alRIGHT man.
i loooove to be tan. when i look in the mirror during the summer and something brown looks back at me i think i look healthy and vibrant as opposed to pale and sunscreen slathered like something that crawled out from under a log. the other day my mom told me not to get any more tan than i already am. WHAT?! WHAT?! "mooooom you're ruining my life!". because what's wrong with being darkened by the wonderful sun? i feel my best when i'm all bronze! i looooooove the sun, love love love it. where do you think we would be without it huh? besides white peeps like me, get tan because their body is adding more pigment to their skin to PROTECT itself from the sun. being tan is GOOD GOOD GOOD. my darker skin is really the best thing to protect me from skin cancer.

besides WHAT could be worth forsaking the sun? how could i not bask in the warmth that is slowly seeping into my core? how could i not stretch and live and be free in these stolen days of summer? simply impossible to give that up says i.

"would you like some more opinions my darling? open wide."

i've been accused in lots of different ways by different people of being spoon fed my opinions or repeating what i've heard my parents or teachers say. what the fuck is with that? it makes me unbeleivably furious!!! i mean, i don't think that my opinions are painfully mature, but if they are mature enough to sound like i'm copying an adults opinion then MAYBE it MIGHT just be because i am 13 and i am an intelligent being with a BRAIN so shut the fuck about it and admit that maybe i'm deeper than you gave me credit for. for example: i was ranting to my mom one day about how fucked up our government is because police are allowed to get away with worse than you could imagine (i blogged about some of the crazy stuff police do and get away with in another earlier post), and she accused me of being spoon fed my opinions by my radical social studies teacher. yes, i got this idea because we read an article in social studies about the behavior of the police when dealing with strikers and protesters, and yes my teacher probably feels the same way, and yes i think he's cool, but NO that is absolutely NOT why my opinions are such as they are.
sometimes i think that adults have trouble understanding that some children hate hanna montana, and may actually have and independently thinking brain cell or two.
the delgados= amazing
i've only really heard one of their songs "coming in from the cold" which is phenomenal. check it when you get a chance.

"himme up"= what my friend dylan wrote in my year book.

"Beechum's all in one"=british hangover cure in a bottle

Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger=phenomenal, phenomenal, phenomenal, i love it so much i can't find words to express, nor should i. the wonders of this book can only be understood if you read it, so go... go to a powell's or a library or something and get it. make haste... idiot :)

chickens

recently i did something that was very hypoctritical. i read a ghastly how to book! as you know i have mercilessly cut down these books.

my mom recently moved to the country so i live part time in the city (which i adore) with my dad, and part time in the country (which i tolerate) with my mom. anyway at my mom's house we got chickens. three hens and a rooster. well anyway my mom and step dad bought one of those foul how to books called CHICKENS IN YOUR BACKYARD... well anyway i got sucked in and persuaded to read bits of it... and immediately it gave me unbearable anxiety about everything we weren't doing exactly like the book said. ugh so now i have a personal experience under my belt that i can use against those books. hate them, hate them, hate them.

on a more pleasant note, i love my chickens. the rooster is called kinnicky, and the three hens are murphy, rosalba, and rizzo. it's pretty cool cuz when the rooster first came rizzo was the first one he layed. lol. we are eventually getting meat chickens as well, and i've resolved to call all of them "din-din" or "supper". but when i told my friend, who has urban chickens, that we would be getting meat chickens, she stopped in her tracks got bug eyed beyond beleif and almost went into cardiac arrest. she was like "how could you do such a thing?". the most obvious reason for this being so ridiculous is that she eats chicken! she eats chicken that you buy in the store, and unless you buy the awesome free range kind (which we do), i can guarantee you that meat raised in my back yard is going to taste better and be more humanely killed. the second reason came recently when i racoon broke into her chicken coop and mutilated and brutally killed one of her chickens. i was showering her with sympathy of course but she said flatly "i wasn't that sad"... one of the reasons she didn't want me to get meat chickens is because she thought it would be way to sad to kill your own chickens. but honestly, if you're not that sad about a chicken that you have bonded with and named getting violently ripped to peices for no good purpose, how could you possibly be sad that a nameless bird gets humanely killed to feed your family?